Ways We Can Manage Our Self Care


Lane: It’s spray time. Love this spray. I really need it today.

Tamar: Me too delightful. Oh my god. So good. So good.

Lane: Yeah. Well, I’m hanging out with my friend Tamar Medford

Tamar: and I’m hanging out with my friend, Lane Kennedy.

Lane: And you’re hanging out with us. And this is the now what society and we welcome you to our show. Thanks for hanging out with us today.

Tamar: How are you Lane?

Lane: Real rough. It’s been really rough. Like in the weeds rough. Like trudging through the muck. Like belly down on my knees. Praying rough. Whoo. Yeah. Yeah. It’s just like that sometimes.

Tamar: I hear you. I feel it, too. It’s been the last few weeks. Yeah,

Lane: Like the planets, you know, read as she’s always like, the planets are all over the place. Just hang on, And this needs to be like we need to move through this quick. Like, you know, just wait till November. Jan, you know, like, just, and I’m like, January next year. You mean?

Tamar: She said that to me, too. She’s like, Yeah, so you know, September was rough. But October is going to be rough on like, dude. So I think today’s topic is very timely.

Lane: Yeah. It’s a great topic. All About You, my friend. All the things that you can do to take care of yourself. And this is a topic that I think it’s like, sometimes it makes me want to just throw up in my mouth, like self-care, self-care, I’m gonna go have some self-care, you know, like, come on. But this is a topic that we women, you know, we just don’t do it, we just don’t. So we thought Tamar and I, would put together a few ideas for you. We’re going to talk about him, and then definitely go check out the blog post on the website as well. Because then you’ll get even more insight, and perhaps some direct links to some of the items that we’re talking about here. Just to kind of help you direct guide you. Yeah, but you have to take care of yourself.

Tamar: You do. And, you know, I remember when somebody used to say self-care, to me, that was like, go get a massage or, you know, like doing those things that you’re like, you know what, I really don’t have time for this right now, I’m just not going to do this. But when I was thinking about self-care, you know, because I’ve had to do a lot of it this week, and a lot of it has been forcing myself to do it because I know I need it right now. But I kind of categorize self-care into three different areas. And that’s, you know, physical, mental, and spiritual. And, for myself, personally, I have to put that spiritual first saw that the physical and the mental can follow. But I have different types of self-care in each category.

Lane: So as I was on the floor yesterday, belly down, trying to breathe, trying to come home to myself. It’s like, I think I’m doing all the things. All the self-care, right? I’m a meditation teacher, a mindfulness teacher. I have a practice. But the spiritual stuff that practice like if, if I am not engaged with this power that is so much greater than me. I’m doomed. Really doomed. I was thinking about this yesterday, I was thinking about how, you know, people in long-term recovery. We get busy with life. Yeah, to go on a tangent here for a minute. Go for it. We get busy with life because we have a life. Right? 20 years sober. 30 years sober. And if you’re on the emotional journey, and you’re not in sobriety, you know, that means that we haven’t had a drink or a drug or a Snickers bar in a long time. And It’s like a different type of lifestyle. And I look at my life and I have like I have all the bells and whistles,

Tamar: Right?

Lane: And so when you realize that I’ve realized that I’ve been acting out with behaviors that don’t suit me properly, right, because I need soothing. Let’s face it, every human needs soothing. Yes, but that’s decaf mint Mojito. I’m calling it out, is not soothing me. It’s freaking killing me. Yep. So, you know, I’m belly down on the floor yesterday crying, thinking about, you know, like, Why? Why am I here? Because everything is good. And this is when people take a drink again. Yeah, this is why, you know, somebody’s newly in recovery, or someone with five years of sobriety is like, what just happened? How come they’re not staying sober? How could they, they got it all. They, you know, like, come on. They’re sober for 20 years. And, and I think there’s a huge amount of stress and pressure, and just life gets life. But this spiritual stuff that you’re talking about tomorrow, the self-care for the spirit has to be a daily commitment. Yeah. And again, I do I have it. Yep. But it needs to look different. It needs to change, it needs to evolve. And it’s like, I was talking to a spiritual mentor yesterday. And she said you’re screwed. You know, too much. And I was like, it’s not what I want to be hearing right now. So I need new ideas. For you know, seeking and my self-care. So I’m excited to hear what you have for me tomorrow. So I’m gonna be quiet and let you take it so I can learn. All you!

Tamar: For me spiritual, like, I do the same thing, right? I teach this stuff. And for me, having that purpose in life gives me that reason to wake up. But, you know, lately, life has been like, like, shaken up to say it lightly. And you know, everything upended. And I’m, I’m pretty good at not isolating anymore. You know, I used to when things used to go sideways, I would just do my prayer, my meditation, you know, the stuff that I’ve been taught to do every day. But I still didn’t feel any better. And so what I’ve been doing lately is I have a few friends in my circle that are very, you know, they love their God. Right? They’re very spiritual people. And one of the things I’ve been doing is praying with them. I have been going to them and actually having intentional conversations about spirituality and what that looks like, and trying to have these conversations that, you know, helped me kind of step outside of the way I’m feeling you know, because like you said, you know, the last week for me, too, it’s been lying on the floor feeling like what am I doing? What is happening? Why is this happening? There’s a reason for it, though. journaling. Journaling is another thing that I’ve had to start doing again, because writing it down, you know, why am I feeling What I’m feeling what is the opportunity out of this experience? But you know, really staying connected to other people who are walking that spiritual path has been really important for me lately because I need to hear it from someone else. Like I need to hear them talk about things.

Lane: Did you know that people who are more connected and this is you know, out of dampeners work it connected and community connected with the purpose connected with people family social environments? Live 14 years longer. Okay, wow. That’s a long time. Yeah. So community that connection I love that you’re meeting with these friends and having these conversations that when your ideas for self-care,

Tamar: It is. It is unity because of action. Yeah. And I always come back to it. Like I think probably every second episode, and that’s part of why we do what we do is to bring women together and walk this out, because it’s I mean, shits gonna hit the fan. Mm. You know, we can’t do anything about certain things that are outside of our control. But I think when we have people to lean on and you know, I, in my early sobriety, that was one of the things too, right. Other people said, Let us be strong for you until you can be strong yourself. And sometimes we need that. Like, sometimes it’s like, just please take this, and like, I just need to rest. Right and resting. For me, it looks like connecting with people who are spiritual, sometimes spiritual, like I had somebody pray for me last week, and I was like, that’s really cool. That’s really cool. Yeah,

Lane: It’s really cool.

Tamar: Yeah. And I felt it. I like it. Yeah. Yeah, I like it a lot

Lane: Okay, that doesn’t even compare to what it’s on my list. What’s your next one?

Tamar: Working with other people. You know, that’s something that we’re taught is that when we’re stuck in our heads, the best way to get out is to help somebody else that’s not doing so good. And, you know, I remember used to, I used to think that calling somebody else and saying, You know what, I got this stuff going on, I really need to talk. I’m not doing okay. I always felt like I was burdening someone. And I don’t think there’s been one time that I have reached out to somebody when I’m struggling, told them I need help. And they’ve said, No, I don’t have time for you, or can you stop, you know? In fact, I would say, probably 80% of the time, that person has said, You know what, I was just I had the most the worst day at work today. Thank you for calling me, you know, because now I’m not thinking about, you know, my coworker being an asshole. I’m actually I’ve turned into that helping mode, right? Like, how can I support you because that’s what we do? So helping, like, actually reaching out to someone that I know might be struggling is a way that I can take care of my spiritual self-care.

Lane: Again, not on my list. Spiritual, wow. Okay, keep going. My business, you’re like, way over me.

Tamar: The other two, for spiritual are the prayer meditation, right? That is just something that no matter how sometimes I don’t want to do it. I just want to skip it. I have people in my life that will call me out on it now. And say, Did you do your prayer meditation? I’m like, Why didn’t my prayer. You know, I used to have somebody do that to me. And I’d be like, No, asshole. I didn’t. Like, Well, exactly. Did you just hear what you called me? Yeah. Yeah.

Lane: Exactly. Oh, it’s so annoying. Exactly. And do you want to go into physical and mental now?

Tamar: Okay, so that’s okay. So that’s okay. Okay, go. Yeah. Okay. So, when it comes to my physical, I think that one’s pretty self-explanatory is getting out and getting active. You know, and I like to call it that because I find that when we go you need to exercise people are like, Jim, that’s what they think. And they don’t want to do it. Get out into nature. Like Call it what you love, or break if you’d like yoga, go to yoga. Of course. Another thing I thought of with this is stretching. Like I don’t it feels so good to sit there on the floor and stretch that is self-care. Like, stretch it out. Right. And of course the eating I mean what we put into our body. I am happy to report but I am a week. Eight days, sans chicken strips.

Lane: No chicken strips.

Tamar: No chicken strips.

Lane: I like it. Yep. Yeah, that’s huge self-care right there. Okay, so that’s your spiritual and your physical. Okay, what else?

Tamar: For my mental. Again, reach out for help when you need it. Right? It’s okay to not be okay. One of the other things is learning to feel your emotions. Because suppressing them creates anxiety and depression, right? And we wonder why all of a sudden we fall apart like we have to we’re having those bad days have a good cry, like, you know, how many times have we connected and I’m like, right, lost it because I’m not afraid to cry anymore. Right. What else do we got in there? I have of course the mental part of like meditation, working with others, working on my program, and hanging out with people but I’m having a good time. I love my friends. I have a really, really amazing support network. And, you know, like on Friday night, it was my mom’s birthday. And I organized a little birthday party for her. I got to see a friend that you know, I grew up I’ve known since I was like, one. Cool, but I love hanging out with my people. Like, whether it’s online in a zoom chat, right? Because some of my closest friends don’t even live where I live. Connecting for someone with coffee doing a games night, like all that stuff feeds my soul. Like if I laugh, I’d love to just sit there and laugh with someone that is self-care for me.

Lane: People need to laugh. Belly laughs. Deep belly laughter Yeah, yeah, changes everything.

Tamar: Or you can listen to smartless

Lane: Oh my God. So Good, right. There’s self-care. Oh, that is it. What else?

Tamar: That’s what I got on my list.

Lane: That’s that’s a good list.

Tamar: Yeah, well, I’ve really been focusing on self-care because I need it right now.

Lane: Okay, I did mine a little bit differently. Course it’s like nothing like yours. So just bear with me people. Our friends in Japan are like, Oh, my God, Elaine, what are you doing? Just hanging out. Okay, so my first one, this is. Okay, you have to think about randomness. I’m random. I have and I have a lot of experience in a lot of different weird areas. So I started off with a salt bath and LUFA. People don’t think about taking a salt bath and LUFA. They think about taking you to know, a bath with lavender and Epsom salt and being all chill. But you do a deep salt bath and scrub with the LUFA. before, during, and after life-changing. So that was my number one. And it’s like, making sure it’s like setting a date with yourself to do this. Because you don’t want to be rushing through this process. My number two was listening to binaural beats. Yes. And binaural beats you can do for 10 minutes. Yeah, you know, you don’t need a long 30 minutes or an hour, you know, like just 10 minutes, plug into some binaural beats. And I find that when I do binaural beats, I can get into that. Again, kind of an altered state. You know, go into homeostasis. And I can breathe again. Perfect. My next one. So this was one that it’s for you. And perhaps your partner. new bedding. Oh, yeah, like new sheets. Like you. There are so many different types of sheets. I found these linen sheets. If you ever had linen sheets, no. Oh my god. It’s like next level. But you can you know, you can go to good old Tarjay and get some good sheets too. It’s like wherever you’re at a new set of sheets just ah, it’s like crispy and yummy. And then with that is buying perhaps like a weighted blanket. Yes. So weighted blankets are really kind of like and you can get them to cool you down. If you need to cool yourself down. It’s really good for creating. Oh my god, I’m spacing out on the word that I need right now for this but it’ll put your body into a different state where it kind of gets rid of the bad cells and I’m spacing on the word. Anyways, a weighted blanket, a cooling blanket, and new sheets. That’s number three.

Tamar: Have you used bamboo sheets? Love! I’m on a bamboo sheet kick right now for the last year and a half bamboo all the way. So good. So good.

Lane: Okay, number four is a red light therapy mask. Or, I have it for my foot. Right? I’ve had my I mean I do red light therapy all the time. But for my foot, I just do it for my foot. Now you could get red light therapy for your back, your neck, for your face. And you just sit again. It could be five minutes, it could be 10 minutes. With my foot. I do like 30-minute sessions. But it just feels better reducing the inflammation in your body. Your skin starts to get a little glowy just really great self-care. Number five is scheduled. A blowout? I mean, we can go into salons now. And I think a blowout depending on where you live in the world, you can maybe get one for 20 bucks. Yep. You know, I live in San Francisco, so they’re a little more pricey. But I know, in other parts of the world, you can get a blowout for maybe even 10 bucks, depending on but just sitting there and letting someone blow up, blow dry your hair. And I have a lot of hair. It’s really thick. It’s a lot to manage. Too much. I don’t want to manage it. Okay, so where am I on my list? That’s number five. Okay, number six, a hot rock massage.

Tamar: Those are so good.

Lane: So good. But you have to schedule the time. Yeah. And it’s not like a regular massage. It’s the hot rock massage. So it’s gonna be a little more expensive, maybe $10, more $20 more depending on where you go. Make sure you get a massage that knows what the heck they’re doing with those hot rocks. Or you could be in trouble. You know, I’m saying, Oh, here’s number seven. And I think this is what everyone can do today. And it’s really easy. You just set aside like 15 minutes. And you write a love letter to yourself. Hmm. I think that’s a really good one. I like it. And you can have the perspective of writing to your younger self. Like, if you’re like your 10-year-old or your 20-year-old, you can choose a different age. Right? So fun. And again, self-care. Let’s see. I’m gonna go down to number eight. I like this one. This was kind of funny because I like water. I love water. Water, water. Water tasting. Oh, yeah, tell. So you buy, you know, like six different types of water. It’s a mindfulness practice. Okay, let’s just start there. So I teach my students, you buy the six bottles of water, and you pour them all out. And you put the bottle behind, so you can see what you’re drinking. So you know what bottle right? And then what you do is you literally taste the water slowly, and you just drink it in, you smell it. And you’d see if you can taste the different elements. Or if you can recognize where it’s from, you know, like the water from Colorado, or water from the Fiji spring. You know, like there are subtle differences. But this practice is so delightful. And again, I’m all about bringing the body into homeostasis. Homeostasis self-care,

Lane: Okay, I have 20 of these things. I don’t want to go through all 20 of them. So you’re gonna have to go to the blog, and check out right? Yeah, I’m gonna give you how many more do I want to do? Maybe I’ll do that. Oh, my God, see, indulge in one piece of dark chocolate. Just one piece. Just one piece, not the whole, not the whole ball, not the whole bar, just to get the polyphenols. Just and I’ve talked about that before. But one, just one piece if you can, if it’s something that’s going to, you know, just like charge you up and then set you on a roller coaster. Forget it. Don’t do it. And then the last one that I’m going to share today is, how about scheduling your mammogram early? Because you can. Did you know that? I didn’t know that. Yeah, I didn’t know you could do this. So now I don’t have to worry about it. And try to figure out when it’s got to be on the calendar. I’ve already scheduled it. So it’s not stressful. I’m taking care of the boobs, taking care of my health check. Done. So I think scheduling is a really big deal for women. Yeah, and we just don’t do it. So scheduling as much as you can in advance is just so important these days. Absolutely. So the other 10, you can find on the blog. I’ll leave it there.

Tamar: I think that’s amazing. And one more thing I wanted to add is if you have a partner, something I was thinking about in terms of the laughing like scheduled date nights, it just when you talked about scheduling time, that was something that I always stepped away from in a relationship, right? It was like, You need to make that time to find that connection. You know, and if you don’t have a partner schedule a date night with a friend, like a dinner night, you know what I mean? Yes, you need that connection. I mean, I have every Wednesday now as a date night. You know, it’s good, feels good. So many cool ideas.

Lane: So many good ideas. So I hope that was, you know, kind of gets you going in the right direction. This is a big month. Yeah, there’s a lot that we’re heading into dangerous territory. We have our monthly challenge happening. If you want to jump into that, detox, and just kind of give yourself a little nudge of self-care, join us, right.

Tamar: Yep, and head over to the website. And you can see the blog for this episode, your hands so that you can have you know, the 50 ideas we have. And, you know, I love that the approach you took was a lot different than mine. Because I think that you know, I always think typical things like get up pedicure, get a massage, whatever. So, so many cool ideas. Like, I think we’re equipped now to make it through the holiday season when we’re like the in-laws are coming. Or, you know, it’s the time of the year that people get excited. But at the same time, the mention of family is for some people, it’s tough.

Lane: It can be tough. Yeah. One more thing. I’m just gonna throw it out there. You know? Dancing. Oh, I love to dance, self-care, dancing, right?

Would you rather dance to disco for 24 hours straight? Or listen to your favorite song for 10 minutes and never again?

Tamar: I think I’d rather dance to disco because that would be so much fun. I listen to the same music over and over again. But if I only had 10 minutes to listen to my favorite song, that was it. I would be heartbroken because I love music so much but disco going up for 24 hours. Yes. Like, remember when you were young? Did you do the Jump Rope for Heart to the Pointer Sisters? So good, right? Yeah, yeah, yep.

Lane: I just remember. John Travolta. Instead, Saturday Night Fever. Oh my god disco.

Tamar: We could have a disco night in the community that brings up another idea for financing. Or we all dress up and do a disco night. That’d be so much fun. I know. Right? Do it. Stay tuned.

Lane: So yeah, go over to the website. Ask us a good question. Yes. Include a would you rather and grab the spray at the now what? society.com forward slash spray? Yep. Join us tomorrow. Thanks for hanging out with me.

Tamar: It’s been a pleasure line. Super fun. So many good ideas. Yeah, we’ll see you, next time friend. Bye, everyone.

Ideas for Self Care
  • Loofa & Salt Bath

  • Binaural Beats

  • New Bedding – Sheets & Weighted Blankets

  • Red Light Therapy – Body or Face Mask

  • Blow Out – Hair!

  • Hot Stone Massage

  • Write A Love Letter To Yourself

  • Treat Yourself To a Water Tasting

  • Find Yourself At a Library

  • Schedule A Talk With A Spiritual Advisor

  • Schedule Your Mammogram Early

  • Investigate These Supplements from this company.

  • Grab Your DNA Report

  • Indulge In Dark Chocolate

  • Schedule a Lymphatic Massage

  • Sit and Breath Outside

  • Do A Meditation Practice

  • Breathwork

  • Curl Up On The Couch With A Good Book

  • Write On This Prompt